7 Common Sex Fantasies and What to Do About Them

Sex fantasies are a normal part of life. Some may be hot only as fantasy. Others might be things you want to test out in real life. A sex therapist may help if you’re frequently having sexual fantasies about things that aren’t legal and want to explore these for real.

Sex Fantasies are Totally Normal

Let’s start by saying everyone has sexual fantasies. Yep, the entire human race has a mind that drifts to the gutter at least some times.

Many folks feel ashamed of their turn ons and inner erotic thoughts, but “no matter what the fantasy is, it’s completely normal!” according to certified sex coach Gigi Engle, author of “All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life.”

“The more we talk sexual fantasy and normalize the conversation, the less we’ll beat ourselves up for having twisty, sexual, steamy [thoughts],” she says. That’s why we put together this fantasizing crib sheet.

Keep reading to learn what we’re all dirty dreaming about — plus how to act them out IRL, if you want to.

Although the possibilities are endless, there are 7 main categories

Turns out your sexual fantasy is less unique than you probably thought.

After conducting a 4,000+ person, 350 question survey in 2018, internationally recognized sex educator Justin Lehmiller, PhD, concluded that there are 7 main fantasy themes.

While the possibilities are endless, chances are you’ll find your steamy wish explored below. And if not — well let’s just say you’re more creative than most. Wink.

Multi-partner sex fantasies

Eyes glued to the screen during that Game of Thrones scene (yes, the one where Theon Greyjoy gets naked with two drop-dead queens)? Hand travel between your legs at the thought of a multi-person orgy?

You’re not alone. Group sex is the most common arousal material for Americans.

Why can group sex be so hot? Engle explains: “In most folks’ multi-partner sex fantasies, you’re the star of the show. The idea of multiple people wanting to have sex with you is part of the turn on.”

Threesomes, orgies, and the like also create sensory overload. Think about it: There’s simply more bits, smells, tastes, holes, poles, and sounds than in a two-some or solo session.

What to Do About It

Every fantasy falls into 1 of 3 categories, according to Engle. “Those we keep to ourselves, those we share with our partners to up the steaminess during sex, and those we’d want to try in real life.”

If this is simply a fantasy for you, don’t overthink it.

If you want to share with your partner — but not necessarily enact this fantasy — start by asking for consent to incorporate this kind of lingo in bed.

For example, “I’ve been thinking it might be hot to talk through a fantasy of another woman going down on you in bed. What do you think?”

Actually want group sex IRL? Good news. “Group sex is also a pretty accessible fantasy — you might not be able to have sex with your favorite celebrity, but you can probably find someone who is down for a threesome,” according to sex educator Cassandra Corrado with O.school.

If you’re in a couple, talk about whether you want it to be a one-time or ongoing encounter, and whether you’d prefer a stranger or friend. Establish boundaries for those interactions.

Power, control, or rough sex fantasies

Cue S&M by Rihanna because whips and chains excite millions of Americans.

Sadism and masochism (S&M) and bondage, discipline, dominance, and submission (BDSM) make up the second most popular fantasy.

BDSM is basically about the consensual exchange of power in a sexual or nonsexual situation.

“The idea of being sexually submissive can be arousing to people who are always in control outside of the bedroom,” says Engle. “And the idea of being in control can be hot due to the taboo nature of rough sex and [a] sense of authority.”

Daddy/step-daughter, professor/student, boss/employee roleplay falls into this category. So does “forced sex” (which Dr. Lehmiller calls “mock rape”).

S&M is about giving or receiving pain through things like spanking, whipping, humiliation, and more.

Corrado says, “Really, this kind of play is about radical trust because it’s a vulnerable type of play. And that vulnerability has arousal potential.”

What to Do About It

From spanking and blind folding, to electroplay or needle play, BDSM contains a wide range of sexual activities.

So the first step to enacting this fantasy IRL is to ensure it’s safe, sane, and consensual (SSC), then figuring out what the fantasy is, exactly, and then talking to your partner about it.

“Whatever the fantasy, there should be a plan in place around what will happen in that sexual scene,” says Daniel Sayant, founder of NSFW, a club hosting sex-positive events and workshops.

“That way you can eliminate the risk of unwanted, or nonconsensual, acts — even in the face of control play,” he adds.

How to define the scene: